Tuesday, February 22, 2011

America, Where Did You Go Wrong?

Hello loyal followers, I know it's been a while since my last hilarious blogpost, please excuse my absence as I've been busy with my Curling-related blog (found here: http://curlingseason.blogspot.com)

Since it's been so long I think it's only fair that I come back with one hell of a story, and friends I sure do believe I've found that story. I present to you, the case of Mr. Evan Emory.

Now you can read the full brain-hurting article HERE But because I care about the sanity of my followers, here is a headline that summarizes things quite nicely:

Authorities have charged Evan Emory with manufacturing child sexual abusive material posting a video on YouTube that made it appear he was singing provocative lyrics to a classroom of first-graders at Beechnau Elementary School in Ravenna. Emory could face up to TWENTY YEARS in PRISON

That's right kids, posting a video on youtube could land you in the slammer with Big Bubba for 20 years.

Assuming you were too lazy to read the article, here's a detailed summary of what went down:

  1. Evan Emory films legit music video in front of students in a classroom in Michigan
  2. Evan also films himself signing a filthy song in an empty classroom
  3. Evan does some sneaky video editing making it seem the filthy song was sung in front of the children
  4. Evan now faces up to 20 years in jail
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICA

I will be the first to admit that Evan Emory is a giant douchebag, although I've never met him I think it's fair to say he's the type of person I would want to punch in the face, not convinced? here is an excerpt of his shitty lyrics from the "filthy song"
See how long it takes to make your panties mine

(wide shot of the children)

I'll add some foreplay in just to make it fun

(close up of girl laughing)

I want you to suck on my testes until I spurt in your face

(close up of girl covering her mouth)

I'll lick on your chewie

(close up of two girls covering their mouths)

I want to stick my index finger in your anus

(close up of boy making a shocked face)


As I said, the guy is a typical college loudmouth douchebag.. but TWENTY. FUCKING. YEARS?

The article interviews Muskegon County Prosecutor Tony "The Tiger" Tague who obviously has nothing better to do(oh shit sorry Mr. Tague please don't take me to court on some internet slander charge, I don't want to face the death penalty!)

“The bottom line in this case is that he walked into a classroom and took advantage and victimized every single child in that classroom,” Tague said.

Jesus Christ he didn't enroll them in Thailand's child sex trade, he did some sneaky video editing and POSTED IT ON FUCKING YOUTUBE. Victimized every single child? really? REALLY? Do you think a future president of the United States was in that classroom but now since they've appeared in a EDITED SEXUALLY EXPLICIT YOUTUBE VIDEO THEIR HOPES AND DREAMS HAVE BEEN DASHED?

Evan Emory appeared in court last week in handcuffs AND shackled all for posting a youtube video.. what the fuck, America.. What. The. Fuck.

America, this is why the rest of the world hates you!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

An Amazingly Bizare TTC Experience




Hello wonderful readers and followers of this awesome blog. I'd like to share an experience with you I had yesterday on the glorious TTC.

Before we continue, it's important to note that People Are Idiots is not only the title of this blog, but it is the motto and philosophy of how I live my life. I expect the absolute worst from people, this way I save myself the disappointment of finding out that people are, in fact, idiots on a daily basis.

It was approximately 2:40PM, I was on a bus that was about 1/2 full (15 people) returning home from a fantastic trip downtown to the St. Lawrence Market (www.stlawrencemarket.com). The bus was travelling westbound across Eglinton when it passed a bus shelter- now it's important to note that four or five different buses travel along this section of Eglinton meaning for the bus driver to know you want on, you must be at the stop and not just in the shelter- This is where the problem begins.

As the bus passes the shelter, a middle-aged man starting waiving his arms frantically in an attempt to signal that he wanted ON the bus. The bus driver (instead of ignoring him and continuing on the route) politely obliges and stops at the corner, resulting in a 15-25 foot walk for the man to get on the bus.

The man boards the bus and what does he say? Does he thank the bus driver for stopping and letting him on? NO OF COURSE NOT YOU FOOL He begins to COMPLAIN and bitch because he was "waiting in the shelter for the bus". The driver attempts to explain that because of the busyness of the area, you must be at the stop. The irate idiot-man was having none of it- some of the gems that came out of his mouth were:
  • You should not be driving a bus if you can't see passengers
  • The Shelter is ONLY for this bus (something I >KNOW<>
  • Give me your ID Badge
  • I am going to file a complaint
  • I want to speak to your supervisor
  • What's your Name? I want your Name now!!!
The guy just would not stop complaining and after the last two comments the driver had finally had enough and stopped the bus. She told him to either get off the bus due to harassment or if he stayed on she'd have no choice but to call the TTC Supervisor & The Police. (Once a TTC Vehicle Operator tells you to leave their property you are trespassing if you do not leave)

The man's reaction? I'M NOT LEAVING I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Not even a warning about the police being on the way from the TTC Supervisor (through the Bus Intercom) would phase this jerk.

So there I was, bus pulled over and out of commission for the foreseeable future. As I mentioned there were ~15 people on the bus, some of them were in a rush and decided it wasn't worth it to wait around for the next bus and decided to walk. Irate man was going to wait and make sure his complaint was filed!..... until he saw that the Cop car turn the corner- he then decided he was in a big rush too and started to walk away! After the cops had a quick chat with the driver they decided they would go have a little chat with the angry man-- which I was quite pleased to see as they could have easily said screw it he's walking away the situation is over.

Unfortunately I can't give you an answer as to what happened when they talked to the guy as after talking to him for about 5-10 minutes the next bus came along and I was not going to stick around to see the end result, I was glad to be on my way home!

So here's a Quick Review of the Events (also a good tl/dr for those too lazy to read my massive wall of text)
  1. Man doesn't stand at the proper place for bus pickup
  2. Bus Drivers stops between scheduled stops to allow him on
  3. That's not good enough for the man as he gets angry and starts verbally harassing the driver
  4. Bus Driver has enough and stops the bus
  5. Man wants to file complaint
  6. Man sees Cops on the way
  7. Man flees
  8. Cops catch up with him up the road
Looking back a case could be made that the Bus Driver slightly over-reacted and didn't need to stop the bus, on the other hand there was no need for her to ensue verbal harassment since it was the man's fault to begin with. Besides I don't know why this guy had to be an asshole, HE GOT ON THE BUS, had the bus driven right by he'd might a right to be upset but the driver stopped and let him on! What a fucking nutjob.

Either way these types of incidents do nothing but strain the relationship between the TTC and the Riders of this city. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, in the end a TTC Supervisor and a police car had to be called really for no reason whatsoever.. For me, it was just another wacky day on the TTC.

Monday, February 14, 2011

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, you bloody chumps





It's February the 14th! What are you doing tonight? Got something special planned for you and your significant other? Good job, keep being that predictable sheep that makes me want to puke.

I'm not against love or showing affection to the ones that you love, but if you deem it necessary to wait until the calendar says it's a certain day to show said affection, you are in fact pathetic.

I think it's important that I clarify that although I'm single, I'm certainly not hellbent on giving grief to anyone who is in a relationship. (Although more than 50% of marriages fail meaning the relationship that you are currently in has about a less than 5% chance of working long term but hey lets move on to happier thoughts) The fact is I'm a realist. I want someone to tell me if I'm loved of their own volition, not because of some stupid money-grubbing day created by Hallmark and florists to maximize their sales.

So before you go out after work or school ask yourself why you're doing it, why is >TODAY< the day that you're (buying flowers-taking your better half out to dinner, etc) If your only honest answer is "because it's Feb 14" or "Because everyone else is doing it" Give yourself a big pat on the back and bask in the fact you are nothing more than a giant sucker.

Remember folks, LOVE is something that is supposed to exist 365 days a year, you should never ever wait to show that special someone how important they are to you.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What the fuck is wrong with you, Texas?

I was surfing around the web last night when I came across this article: This Article entitled: Texas considers law requiring women to see fetus, listen to heartbeat before abortion.


Now I could launch into a tirade about how idiotic and barbaric this is but upon reading the article the quote from Senator Dan Patrick gave me much more cause for concern. Patrick states:

People ask me, ‘Why is this an emergency issue?”’ said Republican Sen. Dan Patrick of Houston, the bill’s author. “We have 80,000 abortions in Texas every year. So let’s just say that one out of five women, after they see the sonogram, make a decision to either put the baby up for adoption or keep the baby. You’re talking about 16,000 lives.”


Now once again I could point out the obvious flaw in that statement about 16,000 more lives going on welfare and being a drain on the system however, let's do a little math here

80,000 divided by 365 days = 219.17


Are you telling me that in the state of Texas alone TWO HUNDRED AND NINETEEN ABORTIONS are preformed Every.Single.Day?

Perhaps Senator Patrick should worry more about preventing these 80,000 unwanted pregnancies rather than forcing women to hear the fetal heartbeat of creature inside of them that they are about to terminate.

Can you imagine how much Abortion Doctors are making? (Pardon the pun I cant resist) but they are making a killing down there!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Packers Win SuperBore 31-25




For the 2nd straight year I did not watch one second of the Superbowl or any of the media hype surrounding the game, now before you call me a NERD or anything let me give you a little background on my actual love for the NFL--

During the regular season I am an avid NFL watcher, I subscribe to the NFL Sunday Ticket (called someone equally silly here in Canada) and I ended up taking 3rd place in a season long NFL a-t-s contest (would have been 2nd had StLouis won in the week 17.. but I digress). So my problem certainly is not with the actual game of football.

My problem is with (you Americans) who feel the need to make a bloody spectacle out of nothing more than a football game.

The endless hours of pre-game shows with nothing more than mindless drivel and poor attempts at expert insight. If these so-called experts had any idea what was going to happen they'd be in Las Vegas making the largest wager of their lives.

Then there is the thing that has completely baffled me for years-

THE HALFTIME SHOW

In all my years on this planet nobody has successfully explained to me why there is a mini concert at halftime of a fucking football game. What the fuck does one have to do with the other? Oh hey it's the final football game of the season so that we're at halftime here's some crappy band to lip sync one of their horrible songs! yyayay!

People just eat this shit up, the ratings for this superbowl will probably rank near the top, perhaps I'm just getting older and losing touch with the people of today but I just can't bring myself to watch people make fools of themselves by drooling over multimillionaires (who get paid win or lose) play a game.

I'm not sure if people have delusions of being on the team because they own that teams jersey! Or because they live in the same city the team belongs to them. However now that the game is over Packers fans are celebrating the fact that their team of multimillionaires beat another team of multimillionaires from a different city, how exciting.

If only we as a society could focus this much glitz and glare at the real problems plaguing the world we live in..... Imagine if 1/100 of the money and 1/2 of the attention that was given to the Superbowl was given to worthwhile causes? Actually reporting on what the fuck was truly happening in Egypt, or you know finding a cure for cancer... hell now I'm the delusional one.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Get that ?#!?!#?! stroller out of my way!



I've sat here for almost 10 minutes trying to come up with a good lead-in or a snazzy intro but fuck it I'm just going to come out and say it.

FUCK massive baby strollers.

Seriously, when did baby strollers become larger and more annoying than a Honda Civic? Did Pimp My Ride Do an all-baby edition? I know, as a country, we are getting fatter but have the babies reached a morbidly obese level already? Or is it because the buffoon pushing the stroller needs to feel that they are now somehow important because...well because they have a baby!




The buses in this city aren't "super wide" to begin with so when you have one of these monstrosities clogging up the aisle it just leads to massive congestion and inconveniences everybody that tries to get on or off the bloody bus.

If that weren't bad enough the oxygen thieves who push the strollers are always completely oblivious or ignorant to the fact that they aren't the only people in the universe and other people might actually need to get by- and the person passing by better not happen to make contact with the massive stroller-- cue the mother shooting rays of death out of her eyes towards the selfish SOB who happened to come in contact with her precious little angels' fucking hovercraft.

Hey lady, you had no trouble spreading your legs to make the little hellion so how about trying to lose some of that baby weight and shuffling your ass to the back of the bus!

I could go on and on and on and on but what's the point?