Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Perfectly Normal Trip To The Doctor's Office

I am not turning this blog into a live journal. I am not going to come home everyday and update you wonderful people about my day. However there are times where the idiocy and mind boggling behaviour that I encounter deserves its own post... and today was one of those days.

The plan was simple, I had to head down to the local medical clinic and get the results of a blood test that I had last Saturday. I figured giving the lab 6 days to send the results was more than fair as they are usually done the same day. The office doesn't open until 9 and there are no scheduled appointments, it's a first come first serve basis. I stepped off the bus at precisely 8:52AM to see a relatively long lineup outside the clinic. Figuring I had nothing better to do (I usually don't) I decided to wait. Thankfully it wasn't a long wait as the clinic opened the doors a few minutes before 9. As soon as the doors opened you would have thought it was Black Friday as the people hustled in as fast as they could, since I was the last one that arrived outside I thought it was only fair that I was the last of the group to go in, besides I didn't feel like losing a limb to get a slightly better position.

So as we lined up to give our wonderful health card, yes trips to the doctors are free in Canada, god bless that "socialism" as some of you American Nutjobs call it, anyways this is where the fun really began. To explain the magnitude of stupidity I have to explain how the office is setup and I'm doing so with a nice diagram that I drew in about 30 seconds in MS Paint, I'm not artistically gifted and quite frankly it doesn't matter, you just need to get the idea.. the model is not to scale:


So the lady first in line comes barreling through with her young child in this massive fucking stroller, I mean this thing is bigger than some apartments in this city, I mean the kid could fucking sleep in it and invite 30 of his closest friends for one hell of a party. After the woman hands in her card and is told to take a seat, which seat does she take? Well only the most inconvenient seat of course! She decides to, in essence, take 5 seats by sitting on the row with 5 seats and putting the stroller in front of the other seats. At this point there were at least 10 people in line all of whom would need to somehow take a seat. Luckily she was first so she was only being a giant pain in the ass for about 35 minutes.


This lady came in with her husband as it was him that needed to see the doctor. She was in a hurry and she let him know numerous times that she was not happy with him. Now I don't speak much (any) German and for my sake that was probably a good thing. She yelled at him A LOT. It was like by visiting the doctor he was taking her away from something very very important-- so important that after waiting about 10 minutes she left and drove to the nearest Tim Hortons which is a good 5-10 minutes away and she returned with a coffee for her and nothing for him- and then the yelling and general bitching continued. Usually people are quiet and respectful in waiting rooms but not this cow.


Now this pair came in after I was already seated and to be honest they were still there when I left so I probably missed some greatness but sadly I still have enough material. A father and son came in, the kid's name was Lucas- I know this because the father repeatedly yelled at little Lucas who couldn't have been more than 6 years old. I would guess the father was between 25 & 30 and you could tell immediately he didn't want to be there. In the time they were in the waiting room while I was there, the father went outside to make 3 phone calls and each time he came back in he yelled at the kid for not staying in his seat. Poor little Lucas couldn't do anything right. Don't touch that, we're going to be here a LONG TIME etc etc. the whole time the father had the look of "why didn't I wear a condom" on his face. Total Douchebag.


I have no problem with old people in fact I'd go as far to say I really like old people. However a couple came in, again after I was already seated. It took them almost 2 minutes to get from the door to the nurses desk. The woman had a cane and the man who was "assisting" her looked like he was the one in need of assistance. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that I watched them come in AND THE OLD MAN DROVE THEM THERE. If it takes you 120 seconds to walk about 15 feet how the hell are you allowed to be behind the wheel of a 3,000 vehicle of death. WHAT. THE. FUCK. To make matters even worse they were apparently new to the clinic and required to fill out a new patient form. To this the old man threw his hands up (slowly) and said no no I don't understand you do it you do it. To her credit the nurse simply asked the questions and filled out the form, but again THIS MAN IS DRIVING A CAR. If that's not enough to scare the shit out of you, I don't know what is.


Thanks for showing up today Mildly attractive blond lady, I starred at you A LOT. Hopefully you don't think I'm a creep. That is all.

So eventually, after over an hour of waiting, it was my turn. Normally this is where I would end this blog post, but today was a very very special day. I went in and saw the Doc. I informed him I had the blood test done last Saturday and was here to get the results. He looked through my chart and asked Are you sure you had it done? As a little piece of me died inside, I confirmed that yes, I did it. The results weren't there so he'd have someone contact the lab. 35 minutes later he returned with the results. Which were almost perfect. And almost two hours after I got there I was finally able to go. What a great day indeed.


  1. It's those people that make those things interesting, though. If everyone was in perfect mental health, considerate AND happy, the experience would be just a little too boring. For example, you secretly enjoyed that inconsiderate mother. And realizing that people who shouldn't be driving.. are still driving? When was the last time you saw a thriller as effective as that?!

  2. nearly as good as our national health service!!!!

  3. wow, simply wow, your doctor must be really good :D

    I loved the part of the MILDLY ATTRACTIVE BLOND LADY and who would not stare at her?! :D

  4. Good read, I wish my trips to the doctors were as eventful as yours.

  5. As a hospital employee, I can tell you these people are everywhere. And this totally cracked me up!

  6. It's amazing how those mildly attractive babes make some situations better. :D

  7. congrats for your blog, it's really creative and interesting. +followed

  8. haha, well it happens :3

    I remember waiting in the ER for 8 hours once after I banged my head at school and my dad insisted on taking me there, because, well, I was acting strange.

  9. The Doctor's Office: they wonder why people don't like going.

  10. The health care may be provided by the government, but it is by no means free. The level of taxation in Canada is a-s-i-n-i-n-e. That said, the system is also broken. My wife's cousin is a newish doctor (less than 5 years) and her fiancée is also a newish, yet highly specialized doctor. He just moved to the US and has started working in a hospital there. She, also is getting her ducks in a row to move to the US within the next year. Both of them are NOT motivated by money, but a general compassion for people. However, the reason for both leaving is because the health system in Canada is quote "fucked beyond any comprehension". So now 2 more badly needed doctors in the GTA, are packing up and leaving because this government provided healthcare system is messed up. So that 2 hour wait time you had @ the docs office, will just get worse.

    Your humourous take on the events, though was a good read. Cheers.

  11. Always have similar experiences at doctors offices... D:

  12. Aaaand thats why i have a private doctor

  13. Mildy attractive lady, :( no one is fully attractive in a doctor's office.

  14. Blah. Trips to the doctors office was always like going to a circus freakshow on diseased steroids. And that was when I HAD health insurance. Not that I'm scum, trips to the county general ER will probably be 10x worse!

  15. lol havent been at a doctors office in months, wonder how it would go

  16. LOL nice post, your very observent of your surroundings. When I make a trip to the doc's i just play with my phone while im waiting

  17. I had fun reading your post. I remembered my most unforgettable experience in a clinic.

    I was suffering a fever then due to my medical condition which I don't that it was really the cause. The clinic hour started 2PM in the afternoon til evening, I arrived there with my mom five minutes before the time, same scenario as yours there's a long queue of patients lining outside the doctor's clinic.

    Unfortunately, I landed that time I landed in the emergency room because my fever is worst that I can imagine. I can't hardly walk by that time and I need my mom's support so that I can approach the doctor.

    Take note I was entertained, quarter to six in the evening. And I stayed 4 days in the hospital...


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