Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Status Update... Still Breathing... Barely

I would like to apologize for the lack of updates recently. Unfortunately I came down with a very bad bout of peritonitis which resulted in a rush trip to the ER.

While at the ER I was given an IV containing Oxycondone. Let me just say I fully understand why people get addicted to that stuff, after about 5 minutes of the IV drip I had no pain and felt like I was flying.. Unfortunately they wouldn't let me take a few bags home.

The one silver lining for this site is my orders are basically bed rest which has allowed me to watch a shitload of daytime TV... and get angrier and angrier. I have a notepad filled with upcoming blog topics and once I start feeling better.. well let me just say as a promise to you there will be some rants that you'll never forget. I am hoping by the first few days in September we will be rocking and rolling.

Thanks for your continued support of ihatesaturday.com

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hey Rick Perry, I Got Your Response Right Here


When you have problems beyond your control who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS!
GOD!




As I've stated before, I'm really not a fan of religion or arguing religious beliefs on the internet, however this story is just too amazing & sad to ignore.

This past Saturday afternoon, Texas Govenor and possible 2012 Presidential candidate Rick Perry held something called The Response at Reliant Stadium in Houston. Unhappy with the current situation in the United States, Gov. Perry decided to hold The Response where everyone in attendance would....pray for things to get better. I really wish I was making this shit up.

Perry in conjunction with the wonderfully homophobic and possibly racist American Family Association decided that prayer was the best way to tackle the problems facing their country. From the official response website (you can read it all here if you dare)

America is in the midst of a historic crisis. We have been besieged by financial debt, terrorism, and a multitude of natural disasters. The youth of America are in grave peril economically, socially, and, most of all, morally. There are threats emerging within our nation and beyond our borders beyond our power to solve.

Our nation is at a crossroads. More and more Americans are perceiving the critical juncture we find ourselves in – the future of our nation is determined by the courage of its people: first, in recognizing the magnitude of our common trouble; then, by uniting to seize the unique opportunity this moment offers us. Our response can, in part, determine our future and define for our children – and their children – what kind of nation they will govern, serve, and lead.


Again this really fucking happened. There are disputes on how many people were actually in attendance as the organizers boasted that over 30,000 people attended however as of the Friday night prior to the event, only 8,000 had been confirmed for the event. To be honest the number of people that attended is irrelevant, there are three major issues that I find completely offensive.

#1. - Separation of Church and State

The Americans are known for beating their chests about their wonderful constitution, especially when it comes to their guns and their RIGHT TO BARE ARMS! Yet they'll just ignore the separation of church and state and have a possible presidential candidate praying for things to get better. How fucking lovely

#2 - The entire event is discriminatory

When the event was first announced some critics posed the question of, what if you aren't catholic and don't pray to "God"? The event organizers quickly backpedaled and stated that it was a day of prayer and faith and anyone was invited and allowed to come. But let's face it that what just more bullshit PR, anytime the AFA is involved, gays and non-whites better stay the fuck away. Without launching into a tirade, the AFA is the same group that "had nothing against gays but would pray for them to find that homosexuality is a sin". In my opinion there is very little difference between the KKK and AFA.

#3 - THEY ARE PRAYING TO AN INVISIBLE WIZARD WHO DOESN'T EVEN EXIST

Ah feel that? It's the lack of personal responsibility that keeps this site thriving, go back and read the purpose of this "response". Because there are problems BEYOND OUR CONTROL. Are you fucking kidding me? You assholes got yourself into this mess with your total disregard of the consequences of your actions as well as your bullshit need for instant gratification. You can't spend money on multiple needless wars, then throw your hands up and be confused that your economy is in the tank. Maybe if you wait long enough Apple will make a fix the economy app!
Instead of taking a look in the mirror and blaming themselves and trying to work on a real solution, these 30,000+ nutjobs asked some grand wizard in the sky to help them. Which is completely mind boggling because, if this grand wizard actually existed, why wouldn't he/she have helped them before things got this bad? Oh right, you're not supposed to use common sense with religion.
Arrogance and Ignorance is a bad combination, especially when you consider there are places in this world where kids don't see their 5th birthday before they die of starvation.

I have only one response for you Rick Perry: Disgusting.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Morbid Obesity: Coming To A Town Near You!



If you've been outside recently you may have noticed a growing trend - literally. People are becoming the size of barns. We've gotten to the point in North America, where if one is able to walk through a doorway without turning sideways they have a proud sense of accomplishment. Statistics released this year indicate that 1 in 4 Canadians and 1 in 3 Americans fall into the obese category. Not just overweight, not chunky, not big boned. GIANT FAT ASSES.

A running theme in this blog is lack of personal responsibility, something that applies directly to the obese community. Instead of taking a good long look at themselves in an over-sized mirror they do what society does best, they play the blame game. If you ask obese people, you will get a myriad of answers as to why they weigh more than a small horse. It's always the fault of genetics or they have a thyroid problem" I have a glandular problem It's excuse after excuse without addressing the truth, which is simply THEY EAT TOO FUCKING MUCH.

As someone who fell into the obese category over 4 years ago and is no longer in it, I can say the key to weight loss is a extremely simple It's Calories IN vs Calories OUT. There is no magic pill, there are no shortcuts. Of course you could be a giant fucking tool and do that fucking idiotic lap-band surgery and either die immediately after surgery or spend the rest of your life licking an ice cube and calling that dinner. So stop watching TV get your fat ass off the couch and go for a walk, leave the car at home and walk to work *GASP* A WHOLE FOUR CITY BLOCKS??!? YOU MONSTER! Stop treating Ronald McFucking Donald like your dealer and eat a salad with veggies once in a while. Not a salad with a litre of full-fat dressing either. I don't want my tax dollars to go to these fucking hambeasts in "mobility carts" rolling around this fucking city.

The picture you see above inspired this rant and is sadly an actual menu items in many places in the US and is being introduced here at the "Canadian National Exhibition"... Think of a really really shitty County fair, make it 10 times worse and that's the CNE here in Toronto. Last year they had deep fried butter & deep friend mac n cheese. This year the big attraction will be the Krispy Kreme burger which is a beef patty topped with a slice of cheddar, tomato, lettuce, bacon and an egg will be wedged between two glazed doughnuts. The heart attack snack packs about 1,000 calories

Personally the thought of sugary doughnuts combined with a burger makes my stomach turn but have no doubt it will be a giant seller and the CNE will makes tons of money from it while the fat fucks get fatter and struggle to walk up a flight of stairs.

In the coming years they better find a way to deep fry insulin, because at this rate we're going to need it.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Shame On You Mayor Ford




Earlier this week the Toronto Police announced they would not charge Mayor Rob Ford after Ford admitted to talking on his cell phone while driving. Toronto police stated that Ford would not be charged with distracted driving because "cost to pursue outweighs penalty." What a fantastic precedent to set, get off your ass and enforce the law? nah it's just too time consuming. Let's hit the Tim Hortons for a double-double and a maple dip instead. Jesus christ this fucking city.

The distracted driving law came into effect in this city just over 18 months ago, after numerous time consuming debates during city council meetings. To say the police have been lax in enforcing the law would be extremely generous. The law is basically treated like jaywalking, I can't go a day without seeing someone driving and yapping on their phone while the police do nothing. Hell I've even seen cop cars drive past people on the phone. If the police force has decided to practically ignore the law (there are some instances of them actually bothering to give tickets) that's bad enough, but in this instance there is a much bigger issue.

Rob Ford is the mayor of this city. He should be held to the highest standard possible. Keep in mind this isn't a he said/she said, there are no facts in dispute. Ford has admitted to using his cellphone while driving. If he doesn't have to face the consequences of breaking the law, why should anyone else in the city? If the police do decide to give someone a ticket for distracted driving shouldn't the "guilty" person just ask that Mr. Ford take care of it and rip it up? It's obviously not that big of a deal.

I would hope that if someone decided to confess to a murder they committed that the police wouldn't see the cost outweighing the penalty. And yes, I know that may seem like a rather silly comparison but in reality where do we draw the line? If distracted driving isn't a big deal what about shoplifting or running a red light? The police are supposed to enforce the law not pick and choose due to their own opinion of what's too time consuming or costly.

The city is a mess right now, budgets cuts all over the place resulting in a lot of unhappy people who are seeing services they use on a regular basis cut yet the city magically has 2 million dollars to remove bike lanes on Jarvis street. Add to that the fact you have Rob's brother Councillor Doug Ford making a complete asshole out of himself every time there is a microphone near him and the end result is a lot of people unhappy with the people who are trying to run this city.

This was a huge missed opportunity for Rob Ford to take charge and portray himself as a leader. Instead of being let off the hook it was the chance to step up and take the ticket and acknowledge that the laws are laws for a reason and that he is not above the law. Hell even if he made a charitable donation in the amount the ticket would have been for- if he had done anything rather than brush it off as a non-issue I could get past it. Quite frankly I expect better from people who are in power.

In the last election, I voted for Rob Ford and was a big supporter. However after a few months of him in power, would he still get my vote today? I honestly don't know.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Perfectly Normal Trip To The Doctor's Office



I am not turning this blog into a live journal. I am not going to come home everyday and update you wonderful people about my day. However there are times where the idiocy and mind boggling behaviour that I encounter deserves its own post... and today was one of those days.

The plan was simple, I had to head down to the local medical clinic and get the results of a blood test that I had last Saturday. I figured giving the lab 6 days to send the results was more than fair as they are usually done the same day. The office doesn't open until 9 and there are no scheduled appointments, it's a first come first serve basis. I stepped off the bus at precisely 8:52AM to see a relatively long lineup outside the clinic. Figuring I had nothing better to do (I usually don't) I decided to wait. Thankfully it wasn't a long wait as the clinic opened the doors a few minutes before 9. As soon as the doors opened you would have thought it was Black Friday as the people hustled in as fast as they could, since I was the last one that arrived outside I thought it was only fair that I was the last of the group to go in, besides I didn't feel like losing a limb to get a slightly better position.

So as we lined up to give our wonderful health card, yes trips to the doctors are free in Canada, god bless that "socialism" as some of you American Nutjobs call it, anyways this is where the fun really began. To explain the magnitude of stupidity I have to explain how the office is setup and I'm doing so with a nice diagram that I drew in about 30 seconds in MS Paint, I'm not artistically gifted and quite frankly it doesn't matter, you just need to get the idea.. the model is not to scale:





PATIENT #1- IGNORANT OBLIVIOUS STROLLER LADY

So the lady first in line comes barreling through with her young child in this massive fucking stroller, I mean this thing is bigger than some apartments in this city, I mean the kid could fucking sleep in it and invite 30 of his closest friends for one hell of a party. After the woman hands in her card and is told to take a seat, which seat does she take? Well only the most inconvenient seat of course! She decides to, in essence, take 5 seats by sitting on the row with 5 seats and putting the stroller in front of the other seats. At this point there were at least 10 people in line all of whom would need to somehow take a seat. Luckily she was first so she was only being a giant pain in the ass for about 35 minutes.


PATIENT #2- ANGRY GERMAN LADY


This lady came in with her husband as it was him that needed to see the doctor. She was in a hurry and she let him know numerous times that she was not happy with him. Now I don't speak much (any) German and for my sake that was probably a good thing. She yelled at him A LOT. It was like by visiting the doctor he was taking her away from something very very important-- so important that after waiting about 10 minutes she left and drove to the nearest Tim Hortons which is a good 5-10 minutes away and she returned with a coffee for her and nothing for him- and then the yelling and general bitching continued. Usually people are quiet and respectful in waiting rooms but not this cow.


PATIENT #3- THE "I SHOULD HAVE PULLED OUT" DUDE

Now this pair came in after I was already seated and to be honest they were still there when I left so I probably missed some greatness but sadly I still have enough material. A father and son came in, the kid's name was Lucas- I know this because the father repeatedly yelled at little Lucas who couldn't have been more than 6 years old. I would guess the father was between 25 & 30 and you could tell immediately he didn't want to be there. In the time they were in the waiting room while I was there, the father went outside to make 3 phone calls and each time he came back in he yelled at the kid for not staying in his seat. Poor little Lucas couldn't do anything right. Don't touch that, we're going to be here a LONG TIME etc etc. the whole time the father had the look of "why didn't I wear a condom" on his face. Total Douchebag.

PATIENT #4- GEEZER PATROL

I have no problem with old people in fact I'd go as far to say I really like old people. However a couple came in, again after I was already seated. It took them almost 2 minutes to get from the door to the nurses desk. The woman had a cane and the man who was "assisting" her looked like he was the one in need of assistance. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that I watched them come in AND THE OLD MAN DROVE THEM THERE. If it takes you 120 seconds to walk about 15 feet how the hell are you allowed to be behind the wheel of a 3,000 vehicle of death. WHAT. THE. FUCK. To make matters even worse they were apparently new to the clinic and required to fill out a new patient form. To this the old man threw his hands up (slowly) and said no no I don't understand you do it you do it. To her credit the nurse simply asked the questions and filled out the form, but again THIS MAN IS DRIVING A CAR. If that's not enough to scare the shit out of you, I don't know what is.


PATIENT #5- MILDLY ATTRACTIVE BLOND LADY

Thanks for showing up today Mildly attractive blond lady, I starred at you A LOT. Hopefully you don't think I'm a creep. That is all.


So eventually, after over an hour of waiting, it was my turn. Normally this is where I would end this blog post, but today was a very very special day. I went in and saw the Doc. I informed him I had the blood test done last Saturday and was here to get the results. He looked through my chart and asked Are you sure you had it done? As a little piece of me died inside, I confirmed that yes, I did it. The results weren't there so he'd have someone contact the lab. 35 minutes later he returned with the results. Which were almost perfect. And almost two hours after I got there I was finally able to go. What a great day indeed.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

GORDON RAMSAY: SHUT HIM DOWN





Let me start by saying this is more a rant against the American Television Networks and the fools who continue to watch, rather than against Good old Gordo himself.

Last night Hell's Kitchen returned for it's 400th season (only season 9 but it sure feels like 400) and lately you can't watch anything restaurant related without seeing Gordon Ramsay's face plastered all over it. Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, and even Masterchef When is enough, enough? I don't blame Ramsay, he has the right to strike while the iron is hot and make as much money as he possible can- hell that seems to be the American way. What baffles me is how these shows continue to pull in strong ratings with millions of viewers when it's the same old recycled garbage season after season.

I'll admit when HK first started in 2005, I watched it religiously, it was something new and somewhat fresh on TV. I rooted for Michael to defeat evil Ralph and found Ramsay hilarious with his insults and volatile temper. But as we progress into season 9 I have to wonder how shallow and easily amused the American viewing public is. How many times can you watch the same thing over and over again? How many times can you watch Ramsay call someone a donkey or bitch about the risotto being cold and yelling SHUT IT DOWN in disgust. Add in the fake drama that goes on between the chefs, oh that one is a bitch, OH SNAP did you hear what he said about you? The list goes on and on, it's just juvenile high school bullshit. To make matters worse the "grand-prize" the "contestants" are playing for amounts to nothing but a joke. Over half of the winners either walked away shortly after getting the job or couldn't even get into the country (S8 winner Holli). Hell S1 winner Michael quit and came back to the US mere days after winning the "grand-prize". Remind me again why this show is still being produced when the people who WIN don't even want the fucking prize that they get?

The real travesty here is if we take a step back and examine reality (and I use that word very loosely) TV as a whole we notice that this type of repetitive garbage is par for the course. Survivor will be entering it's 23rd season in September. 23 fucking seasons of bickering, back stabbing and fake drama. Do people really have a thing for hearing Jeff Probst say "the jury has spoken" or are they so unhappy in their own pathetic lives they need to live through the dopes they see on TV every week. The Amazing Race has done 18 seasons, same crap different faces over and over again, yet all the while, the American public eats it all up.

It seems that once the network has a reality tv show hit they keep shoving it down our throats and hitting us over the head with us and like good little sheep people keeping tuning in week after week, I just don't understand it.

What is it that keeps people watching this junk every week? Do you watch them? Feel free to leave some feedback in the comment section.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Part 2: When Did Society Turn Into Giant Wussies?


I want to quickly finish up this post (rant) by talking about something I heard Friday night on the radio, it was on the Fan 590 here in Toronto around midnight. The host, whose name I didn't listen long enough to get was talking about how terrible the Argos poster was and during his soliloquy said "30 or 40 years ago this poster would have been acceptable, but now with Political Correctness and that you just can't do it". This was about the time I shut the radio off, put my head in my hands and wept for humanity. My only response to that statement is WHY? WHAT HAS CHANGED? When did we, as humans, become so afraid to just live? Now everything has to be run through some sort of PR department or even worse companies do things only for good PR horrified to tick off the wrong person or "special interest group". As I stated earlier, all kids today have to get trophies. It would be too damaging to them to tell them they weren't good enough! They don't even have to earn their accolades , then they grow up and throw giant hissy fits when things don't go their way-- Remember the issue here was a poster advertising football that got twisted and turned into something about domestic violence being acceptable and condoned WHAT THE FUCK. I don't know when or where we lost our way or when people thought that their opinions and feelings became a law that other people had to follow and bow down to. But I can tell you that if this trend doesn't change the future is not going to pretty.


My apologies for taking so long to get this post up, sometimes real-life shit gets in the way but that's all taken care of now and you can expect much more frequent posts in the coming weeks.

*** For those wondering, Wonderful Councillor Mike Layton did not bother responding to the email I personally sent nor did he/his team bother to reply to the numerous tweets that were sent from @ihatesaturdaycm.. Nothing like a Councillor looking after his constituents.